英文幽默笑话大全

英文幽默笑话大全

       英文幽默笑话大全的今日更新是一个不断变化的过程，它涉及到许多方面。今天，我将与大家分享关于英文幽默笑话大全的最新动态，希望我的介绍能为有需要的朋友提供一些帮助。

1.幽默英语笑话带中文

2.经典短英语幽默笑话大全？

3.童真童趣英语幽默笑话

4.经典英语冷笑话12篇

5.谁能给我个很好笑的英语笑话，高中阶段的

6.超级搞笑英语笑话

幽默英语笑话带中文

        幽默英语笑话带中文

       　会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看幽默英语笑话带中文，看看你的幽默指数吧!

       

幽默英语笑话带中文一：跳板

       　The cruise ship my friend was working on docked(停驻) at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank(跳板，踏板) as a passageway to the dock far below.The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appear at the top of the plank(厚木板，支架) . There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."

幽默英语笑话带中文二：I work for 7up"!我可是在七喜公司工作呀

       　Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.The nurse comes up to the first man and says,"Congratulations,you got twins." The man said "How strange,I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,"Congratulations,you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm,strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally,the nurse comes up to the third man and says

       　"Congratulations,you got twins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic,I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place,cursing God and banging his head on the wall.They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong?I work for 7up"!

       　四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

幽默英语笑话带中文三：蛋糕

       　Dick was seven years old,and his sister,Catherine,was five.One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

       　The children played for an hour,and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen.She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,"Now here's a knife,Dick.Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister,but remember to do it like a gentleman."

       　"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked."How do gentlemen do it?"

       　"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

       　"Oh" said Dick.He thought about this for a few seconds.Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half,Catherine.".

       　迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁.一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服.

       　孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的.时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房.她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说：?喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块.不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样.?

       　迪克问：?像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢

       　他姨妈马上回答说：?绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的.?

       　迪克说了一声?噢?.他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说：?凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧.?

幽默英语笑话带中文四：

       　Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

       　两个人去猎鹿。第一个人说：?你看见了么

       　"No," the second guy says.

       　?没有。?第二个人说。

       　"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.

       　?好吧，一只秃鹰刚刚从我们头顶飞过。?第一个人说。

       　"Oh," says the second guy.

       　?哦。?

       　A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

       　几分钟以后，第一个人说：?你看见了么

       　"See what?" the second guy asks.

       　?看见什么第二个人问。

       　"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

       　?你瞎了么?一只大黑熊在山上跑呢，就那儿!?

       　"Oh."

       　?哦。?

       　A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

       　几分钟后第一个人又说;?你看见了么

       　By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

       　这个时候，第二个人已经不耐烦了，所以他说;?是的，我看见啦!?

       　And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

       　第一个人说;?那你还往上踩

;

经典短英语幽默笑话大全？

       1)TOM'S EXCUSE

       Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

       Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go

       Slow".

       汤姆的借口

       老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？

       汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

       2)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”

       “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”

       一盒火柴

       妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”

       “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”

       3)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.

       Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!

       开车

       父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。

       苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。

       4)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

       Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

       Teacher: Please tell us.

       Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

       两只鸟

       老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

       学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

       老师：请说说看。

       学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

       5)Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

       Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

       Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

       Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

       半个还是十分之五

       老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？

       杰拉得：我宁可要半个。

       老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。

       杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。

       Heat and Cold

       A class of Physics at school. The teacher: "Now, who can tell me anything about heat?" A small boy held up his hand: "Heat makes things larger, Sir, and cold makes things smaller." “All right! ”Give an example." "In summer days are longer because it is hot, in winter they are shorter because it is cold."

       热和冷

       学校里正在上物理课.

       老师提问:"现在谁能讲一讲对热的认识?"一个小男孩举手回答:"老师,热能使东西膨胀,冷能使东西缩小."老师说:"很好,举一个例子.""夏季,白天变长,因为天气太热；冬季白天缩短,因为天气太冷."

       The Doctor Knows Better

       A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,

       Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

       医生懂得多

       一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."

       听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

       The Fish Net

       “Can you tell me what fish net is made， Ann？”

       “A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl.

       鱼网

       “你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？” 老师发问道。

       “把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。” 小女孩回答道。

       4、

       The New Teacher

       George comes from school on the first of September.

       “George， how did you like your new teacher？” asked his mother.

       “I didn’t like her， Mother， because she said that three and three were six and then she said

       that two and four were six too……“

       新老师

       9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

       “乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。

       “妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6， 可后来又说2加4也得6.”

       5、

       A physics Examination

       Once in a physics examination， Nick finished the first question very soon， while his classmates

       were thinking it hard.The question was： When it thunders why do we see the lighting first， then

       hear the thunderrolls？ Nick’s answer： Because our eyes are before ears.

       一次物理考试

       在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

       这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

       尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

童真童趣英语幽默笑话

       笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头故事。下面我整理了短英语幽默笑话，希望大家喜欢!

        短英语幽默笑话摘抄

       Friend for Dinner

       请朋友吃饭

       Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

       “亲爱的，”丈夫对妻子说：“我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。”

       What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

       “什么?你疯了吗?我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。”

       I know all that.

       “这些我全都知道。”

       Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

       “那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭?”

       Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

       “因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。”

        短英语幽默笑话鉴赏

       The Fourth Element

       第四元素

       Teacher: What are the four element of nature?

       老师：自然界的四大元素是什么?

       Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...

       学生：火、气、和。。。和。。。

       Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?

       老师：和什么?想一想， 你用什么洗手的?

       Student: Soap!

       学生：肥皂。

        短英语幽默笑话赏析

       Boxing and Running

       拳击和赛跑

       Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, soI’m teaching my boy to fight."

       丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”

       Friend: "But suppose he es up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also beentaught how to box."

       朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?”

       Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

       丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

        短英语幽默笑话欣赏

       Make your fortune

       计划你的将来

       "How did you make your fortune?"

       “你是怎么计划你的将来的?”

       "I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience."

       “我变成一个富人的合伙人，他有钱，我有经验。”

       "How did that help?"

       “那有什么用?”

       "Now he has the experience and I the money."

       现在他有经验了，我有钱。”

        短英语幽默笑话品味

       The Looney Bin

       疯人院

       Late one night at the insane asylum ***疯人院***one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Anotherone said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice fromanother room shouted, "I did not!"

       一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑!”另一个说：“你怎么知道?”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的!”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说!”

        短英语幽默笑话品析

       会说话的钟 Talking clock

       While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

       一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。

       "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

       “那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。

       "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

       “那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。

       "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

       “这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。

       Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

       突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** !现在是凌晨两点钟了!”

        经典的短英语幽默笑话

       长寿秘诀 Secret For a Long Life

       A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

       一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

       "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.

       “我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。

       "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

       “你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”

       "I *** oke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, everexercise."

       “我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”

       "Wow, that's amazing," says the woman.

       “哦，真神奇，”女士说。

       "How old are you?"

       “你高寿?”

       "Twenty-six."

       “二十六。”

        关于短英语幽默笑话

       控制女人的男人 Two Lines In Heaven

       Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.God es and says "I want the men to make twolines.One line for the men that dominated their women on earthand the other line for the menthat were whipped by their women.Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

       世上的每一个人都上了天堂 神说 :" 要男人分成两队 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .另外女子自成一队 , 跟着圣彼德去 ."

       Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the menthat were whipped was 100 mileslong,and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

       队伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英里长 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,仅有一人 .

       God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my imageand you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons that stood up andmade me proud.Learn from him! Tell them, my son,how did you manage to be the only one onthat line?"The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

       神生气的说 :" 你们男人应该感到羞耻 ,我按照自己的形象创造了你们 ,而你们被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的儿子 ,站着使我骄傲 . 你们应该向他学习 .告诉他们 , 儿子 ,你如何成为唯一站在这一队上的 ?"这男子回说 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在这的 !"

经典英语冷笑话12篇

        童真童趣英语幽默笑话大全

        1. Tommy: "How is your little brother, Johnny?"

       

       　汤米：“约翰，你的弟弟好吗？”

       　Johnny: "He is ill in bed. He hurt himself."

       　约翰尼：“他生病卧床了，他伤着了自己。”

       　Tommy: "That's too bad. How did that happen?"

       　汤米：“太糟了。是怎么回事？”

       　Johnny: "We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won."

       　约翰尼：’我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，结果他赢了。”

        2. Son: "Dad, is French hard to learn?"

       　儿子：“爸爸，法语难学吗？”

       　Father: "My boy, at the beginning it is, but after that, it becomes easy."

       　父亲：“我的孩子，开头难，但往后就变得容易了。”

       　Son: "That's great! I'll learn the latter half."

       　儿子：“太棒了！那我就学后半部分。”

        3. A little boy lost his way and went to ask the policeman by the road.

       　一个小孩迷了路，就去问路边的警察。

       　The policeman asked, "Sonny, where's your home?"

       　警察问：“小家伙，你的家在哪里？”

       　The boy replied, "My mother teaches me to ask the policeman when I lose my way, but she doesn't tell me where I live."

       　男孩回答说：“妈妈教我迷路时，就去问警察，但她没有告诉我住在哪里。”

        4. The mother asked her little son, "Tom, if the car is made of cholocate, which part will you eat first?

       　一母亲问小儿子：“汤姆，如果汽车是用巧克力做的，你先吃哪部分？”

       　Tom replied quickly, "Wheels! Then the car won't be off."

       　汤姆飞快地答道：“轮子！这样汽车就开不走了。”

        5. A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach.

       　一个男孩放学回家时，感到肚子疼。

       　"Well, sit down and have some snacks," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."

       　“来，坐下，吃些点心，”他的.妈妈说。“你肚子疼，是因为肚子空了。你吃了东西，就没事了。”

       　Shortly afterwards, dad came in from work, complaining of a headche. "That's because it's empty," said his son. "You'll be all right if you have something in it."

       　过了一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回来，抱怨说自己头疼。“你头疼，是因为脑袋空了，”他的儿子说，“脑袋里装点东西，就没事了。”

;

谁能给我个很好笑的英语笑话，高中阶段的

       　下面是我整理的经典英语冷笑话12篇，以供大家学习参考。

        经典英语冷笑话：小心有狗!

       　As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

       　一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，?危险! 小心有狗!? 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 ?这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊? 陌生人问店主。?是，就是他?，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。?我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么 因为，? 店主解释说，?在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。?

        经典英语冷笑话：在天堂结婚

       　A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, ?If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

       　一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸，双双死去了。于是，他们来到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚，圣徒彼得告诉他们，关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回来了，并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问：?如果生活的不愉快，我们可不可以离婚呢?圣徒彼得看着她，回答说：?夫人，我花了30天才找到个传教士，难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?

        经典英语冷笑话：点名

       　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

       　大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，?贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克?为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：?他在点名呢。?

       

        经典英语冷笑话：最希望得到的签名

       　Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

       　我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是：?你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?和预计的一样，大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是，最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生，他说：?在我 毕业 证上签字的那个人。?

        经典英语冷笑话：动机

       　My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

       　我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲?动机?。?是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?他问道，?是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?冲着一个女学生，他问：?是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?学生答道：?我妈妈。?

        经典英语冷笑话：班级、情人和蠢驴

       　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

       　汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：?汤姆教授明天将和大家见面?。一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将?class?中的?c?擦掉，教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把?lass? 中的?l?擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。

        经典英语冷笑话：智力缺陷

       　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

       　?医生，你能不能告诉我，?鲍勃问，?对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢再没有比这容易的了，?医生回答，?问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。?那要问什么样的问题呢嗯，你可以这样问，?库克船长环球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢鲍勃想了一会儿，紧张的回答道，?你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说，我对历史了解的不是很多。?

        经典英语冷笑话：开卷考试

       　On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.

       　我在加利福尼亚的圣玛丽亚市一所社区大学读书。期末考试那天，听说书店在回购我们的工商管理课本。考试前，我们几个赶忙跑到书店把书卖了，随后，我们坐在教室里等着考试。这时候教授宣布：考虑到试题的难度，今天的考试我们决定开卷。

        经典英语冷笑话：机长的录音

       　This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

       　这是你们机长的声音。请允许我代表全体工作人员，欢迎你们乘坐英国航空公司602号航班从纽约飞往伦敦。我们此时在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你从飞机的右边向窗外看去，你将会发现右侧的两个引擎都已经起火。如果你从左边往外看，你就会看到那边的机翼已经脱落了。如果你俯视下面的大西洋，那么你会看到一艘**的救生筏，上面有三个人正在朝你挥手。那是我、副驾驶员还有我们的一名女乘务员。这是一段录音。

        经典英语冷笑话：无聊的课

       　One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're running!"

       　在开普吉拉多市的东南密苏里州立大学上学的时候，我喜欢的几个老师之中有一个以他的幽默感而出名。给新生上头一节课，他给学生解释在他课上的纪律，他说：?我知道我的课经常会很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你们在课上看表。然而，我坚决不允许你们把表重重的摔在课桌上，以此来检查你的表是不是还在走。?

        经典英语冷笑话：交通事故

       　A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

       　有个人开车行驶在上班的路上，一辆卡车闯红灯从侧面撞上了他的车，当时他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他从车里拉出来并唤醒他。刚一醒过来，他就拼命的挣扎着，最后不得不用了药物才让他镇静下来。过了一会儿，他平静了，别人问他为什么要这么恐怖的挣扎，他说：?被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，当我醒过来，我发现我躺在了路边，前面是一个巨大的 广告 牌上面闪烁着?壳牌?，但是有个人挡住了那个?S。?

        经典英语冷笑话：写给上帝的信

       　A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.

       　有个小男孩非常需要50美元，他为此祷告了数周但是什么也没发生。后来，他决定写封信向上帝索要这50美元。邮局接到这封信，想了想觉得还是应该交给总统比较好。总统被逗笑了，于是指示秘书寄给小男孩5美元，因为他觉得5美元对于一个小孩来讲已经是不少了。小男孩收到了钱很高兴，给上帝回了一封 感谢信 ，信里写道：尊敬的上帝，非常感谢你把钱寄给我。然而，我发现这些钱是通过白宫寄出的，因此，和往常一样，那帮家伙收了我45美元的税。

超级搞笑英语笑话

       搞笑的英语小笑话1：Expensive Price

       Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

       Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

       Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

       昂贵的代价

       牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

       母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

       牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

       搞笑的英语小笑话2：I Wasn't Asleep

       When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

       "I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

       "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

       "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

       我没有睡着

       当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

       “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

       “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

       “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

       搞笑的英语小笑话3：The poor husband

       "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

       可怜的丈夫

       “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

       Who's More Polite?

       A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

       谁更有礼貌?

       一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

       搞笑的英语小笑话4：Let Dog in Hotel

       A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

       An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

       一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

       旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

       搞笑的英语小笑话5：Intelligent son

       One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

       After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

       "Certainly"

       "You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

       "I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

       "Then why you didn't take it back?"

       "I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

       聪明的儿子

       有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

       儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

       “我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

       “我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”

       搞笑的英语小笑话6：Put your feet in

       The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

       把脚放进去

       一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”

       搞笑的英语小笑话7：I Wasn't Asleep

       When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

       "I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

       "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

       "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

       我没有睡着

       当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

       “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

       “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

       “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

       搞笑的英语小笑话8：The poor husband

       "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

       可怜的丈夫

       “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

       搞笑的英语小笑话9：Where is the father?

       Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

       "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

       "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

       The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

       父亲在哪儿?

       兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

       “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

       “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

       哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

       搞笑的英语小笑话10：Does the dog know the proverb, too?

       The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

       "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

       "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

       狗也知道这个谚语吗?

       一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

       “没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

       “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

        超级搞笑英语笑话

       　总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里我收集整理了超级搞笑英语笑话，让你的心情速速好起来。

       

超级搞笑英语笑话一：

       　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

       　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

       　"Certainly"

       　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

       　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

       　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

       　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

       　有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

       　儿子回来后,父亲问他:?你把信丢进邮筒了吗 当然?你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?

       　?我当然看见信封上什么也没写?那你为什么不拿回来呢?

       　?我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!?

超级搞笑英语笑话二：Dumb Robber

       　Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

超级搞笑英语笑话三：我对她不了解

       　As a courier for an express delivery service，I tried to deliver a package that required refrigeration, but found no one home. I went to the house next door and told the woman who answered that I had a package for her neighbor."Oh，she works Monday through Friday and every other Saturday,?said the woman，?said the woman, "and some Sundays. She leaves about 7:40 in the morning and gets home around 5:30，unless she goes to the store, in which case it's closer to seven. And she's going to the store tonight because her kids are coming to visit her all the way from California!"

       　我是一名快件邮递员。我曾一次送一个需冷东的包裹。但主人不在家。我便敲开了邻居的门，那邻居说我说的包裹是她的邻居的`。?噢，她从星期一到星期五，包括每隔一个星期六工作。?那位女邻居说.?有时她星期天也工作。她每天早上七点四十离家，下午五点半回来。如果她要去商店，差不多七点才能回来。今天晚上她要去商店的，因为她的孩于将

       　特地从加利福尼亚来看她。?

       　When she paused to take a breath, I asked if she would accept her neighbor's package. "Oh，no, I can't do that，?she said. "I don't know her that well.?

       　她停下喘气的工夫，我问她能否替邻居先把这包裹收下。?峨，不行，我可不能收。?她说:?我对她不怎么了解。?

超级搞笑英语笑话四：CD唱机

       　While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.

       　在购买我的第一部CD唱机时，我能够解读推销标记上面的大多数技术语言。但是有一个标示却让我颇为迷惑，于是我叫过销售商，问道：?混合脉冲D/A变换器?是什么意思?它的意思是，她说，这个机器能够读CD碟上加码的数字信息，将它转换成声音信息-也就是说，转换成音乐。换句话说，这个CD唱机能够播放CD碟。正是如此。

        ;

       今天关于“英文幽默笑话大全”的探讨就到这里了。希望大家能够更深入地了解“英文幽默笑话大全”，并从我的答案中找到一些灵感。